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Witches across the United States join together to put a spell on Donald Trump. Source: Asta / Adobe Stock.

Witches ‘Spell’ President Trump In Pre-Halloween Showdown


Thousands of self-declared ‘witches’ will cast a unified ‘spell’ on POTUS Donald Trump this weekend and “yes” this news piece is a work of non-fiction and not a joke.

It would appear that in the last few months someone at a high level meeting in the American Democratic Party said “look, we missed him on that Russian thing, but we have another idea, and it’s totes WICKED!” Subsequently, according to Extra Newsfeed, on October 25th at 11:59 PM thousands of “witches” believing they have the powers to contradict science, will perform a “binding ritual” on the U.S. President.

According to Disney, witches are terrible creatures, but in 2019 they no longer poison fair maidens and curse forests, and generally don’t endorse violence, so they have chosen their specific binding spell so as not to harm the POTUS. Imagine for a second that they had opted for a “hex” or “curse”: all hell might have broken loose! But if we believe what we read in the Washington Examiner hell will be consulted anyway in that the witches concerned with the ritual are being instructed to call on “demons of the infernal realms” for assistance, in binding President Trump…

The Magic Fairy Number Is Released On The POTUS!

Meanwhile, in the White House, or more probably on the 7th hole in Mar-a-Lago, Florida, Donald Trump might get his morning briefing which will probably not say: 1. Attacks on U.S. assets in the Middle East escalating. 2. Venezuela situation deteriorating. 3. Witch attack at weekend threatens your 2020 campaign success. Maybe though, you never know with that fellow.

As a 2016 article said that as “germaphobe” Trump said the act of shaking hands is a “curse” of American society. Thus, he too, just like the witches, must believe in curses, so he might be uneasy this weekend and can expect a higher than normal scorecard.

President of the United States Donald Trump is the target of a mass witches spell. (Gage Skidmore / CC BY-SA 2.0)

President of the United States Donald Trump is the target of a mass witches spell. (Gage Skidmore / CC BY-SA 2.0)

Returning to the witches ritual: a physical conduit must be used to connect them with the president “energetically” and according to a report in LibertyHub they might use “an unflattering photo of Trump, or a tarot card, a stub of an orange candle, a pin, and a feather.” Once these preliminary steps have been achieved by around midday on Saturday the “heavenly hosts, demons of the infernal realms, and spirits of the ancestors” will be invited into this dimension of reality to alter the “evils” of the president.

The witches spell to be cast on Trump may involve the use of tarot cards. (Talia Felix / Public Domain)

The witches spell to be cast on Trump may involve the use of tarot cards. (Talia Felix / Public Domain)

Witchcraft Is Definitely A ‘Left’ Thing

According to a Vox report, a 13,000-strong umbrella group of internet neo-pagans, Wiccans, solo practitioners who self-identify as “hedge witches,” and longtime magical practitioners in various traditions will “bind” the president, using the joint energy of a collective known as the #MagicResistance, which is explained in detail in this feature.

All this comes as no real surprise after 2018’s bonanza of high-profile pop-cultural witch-hits like reboots of Sabrina, Charmed, The Teenage Witch and Suspiria. And the “left” are not exactly void of being embroiled in witchcraft scandals, for example, Trump’s 2016 opponent the first female Democratic nominee, Hillary Clinton, was accused of participating in ritual sex magic and attending a “witch’s church” and earlier this year Democratic congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was accused of belonging to “a coven of witches that casts spells on Trump 24 hours a day”.

Exorcists Are Definitely A ‘Right’ Thing

There is no arguing that witchcraft and magic are practices that are generally associated with left-wingers, who towards the extreme have been social justice “warriors”. However, on the right there are similar activists who in a recent report on said renowned Catholic exorcist, Gary Thomas, held masses to counteract the group of witches earlier attempts to “hex” the success of the now Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, Brett Kavanaugh.

Exorcist Gary Thomas went so far as to tell the National Catholic Register that the witches action’s against the Supreme Court justice were a “heinous act” and that they spoke volumes about the character of the witches, who he described as “real evil people”.

A portion of the people in the United States believe in witches spells and exorcism. (Charlie Brewer / CC BY-SA 2.0)

With gangs of witches on the left attacking the president with spells and exorcists on the right holding ancient rituals to defend, I bet you some of the US’s 500,000 homeless people would love a witch to turn a newspaper into a sandwich, or for an exorcist to rid them of their demons. But they will all have to wait for all the magic this Halloween will be spent elsewhere, in a much less socially compassionate, and more hateful, negative, and ultimately sad way.

Top image: Witches across the United States join together to put a spell on Donald Trump. Source: Asta / Adobe Stock.

By Ashley Cowie



I wouldn't think anybody who would inhibit the re-election of someone who will probably go down in history as either the most inept or corrupt [or both] presidents in our history would be a force for the positive ...

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Ashley is a Scottish historian, author, and documentary filmmaker presenting original perspectives on historical problems in accessible and exciting ways.

He was raised in Wick, a small fishing village in the county of Caithness on the north east coast of... Read More

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